lost in deep emotional thought where everything i think , i feel . i sink into a deep sorrow , an endless torment , torture i can’t run away from . its sad when you know that you should stop & do something about it , but it consumes you , takes you deeper & deeper into its clutches . i cant help but think that its my fault , someone who’s unwanted by her own family but one , can be loved like everyone else by someone like you .
all i want from you is forgiveness and a second chance that you gave her every chance she could get . me who spent 4 years of her everyday life you , a person who i gave my all too , but all you do is show me that anything & everything i do is possibly no good . everything i do or say is oh so very wrong . & being close to you brings me this satisfying , gratifying feeling that im alive yet dying at the same time cause i know that i cant hold you , touch you without the tension i feel on your part & it should be obviously clear to me on you feel about me but my blind stubborn foolish self is neglecting every being of my consciousness just so that fabric of me can be happy . & seeing and baring another one of your children sickends & also makes me happy .im complicated beyond comprehension & i thought that you understood that because without a doubt , deep down your just like me .
it hurts when i try to verbalize these feelings to you , you get hyped & mad & ignore any & everything i have to say . like you dont want to understand , like you just want to complete put your all & change for her & yes im COMPLETE jealous , envious of HER & you put her so above me that i cant comprehend why .
you may ignore this or just read it & delete it . but this seems to be the only way i can get you to see how i feel . you may not have any feelings towards this but ……